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Fairy
I was getting changed last night when a 50 pence piece fell out of my bra. This can only have happened for one of two reasons:- A) The boob fairy left it. However, my boobs may not be what they once...
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In honour of National Breastfeeding Week, a poetic tribute to my only functioning breast. My Left Boob..a limerick When the one on the right wouldn’t work,The left boob, it’s job didn’t shirk,It...
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Bad Fairy.
A while back I wrote a post about fairies I wish existed alongside the tooth fairy. Now I refer you to the ones I wish didn’t…. 1) The Old Age Fairy. Sprinkles dust on you while you sleep causing you...
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The Ways Toddlers Are Like Poltergeists
My mate Emma saw a rather peculiar sign in a shop window the other day. It said:- ‘Yes,’ she thought, ‘Of course I do.’ Cos you know, children are definitely real. The Sixth Sense would have been a...
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Welcome To The School Holidays
Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome aboard the school holidays. Emergency exits are situated…well, there are no emergency exits, you are on this ride until the first week in September. Temporary respite may...
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Why I Hate Getting to Know You
Not you. I LOVE getting to know you. I hate getting to know you games. Team building. All that malarkey. My daughter had a day of it today, raft building as a bonding experience. Now I have bonded with...
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Things I Can’t Be Arsed To Do
This is not a definitive list of activities I am too apathetic to get involved with, in fact I completely reserve the right to contradict myself utterly by doing one/all of these things before my...
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Tips For Toddlers
Today Syd would like to pass on some of his top toddler tips to his fellow shorties. Apologies to their parents…he made me do it…he said he would stay awake until midnight unless I posted this…. Why...
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How to Fail At Halloween
Are you all ready for Halloween? Of course you are, you are all fabulous organised parents who are putting the final touches to your spider cupcakes while you read this. Me- yeah, I got it covered….....
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I’m a blogger, get me out of here!
Well this is going to be an interesting one- the ever smashing Sarah at Mum of Three World has tagged me to answer some ‘In the Jungle’ type questions. Now I really like her, so I am going to answer...
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How To Fail (or win) At Christmas
Are you ready? Is your homemade Christmas cake ageing merrily in the cupboard? Is there a mound of matching be-ribboned gifts under your Scandanavian themed tree? Oh. You are, and it is, and there are....
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The Gift Wrapping Drinking Game
I am dreadful at wrapping gifts. I start with good intentions of making them look pretty, but about one and a half parcels in I am bored of the whole idea and just wish the wrapping fairy would do it...
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I Want To Be A Gastronaut.
They found a doughnut on Mars, not sure if it was iced with sprinkles, or just sugar coated, but either is good with me. I always find space stuff exciting, but combine it with another of my great...
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How To Fail At Dieting
1) Start dieting in the week leading up to Easter when chocolate pops out at you from every corner of every shop, and the kids are home and want to make chocolate nest cakes. You are of course under no...
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I Loved Rik Mayall
Oh bloody hell, Rik Mayall died?! He died, what an utter, utter bastard piece of news that is. I loved him, and he and his comedy pals helped shape our generation. OK, so it has been a while since I...
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Spider
I ruddy hate spiders. Well, hate is the wrong word. I am properly terrified of them. I used to be far worse, even a tiny spider could send me into a hyperventilating panic, and a big one once made me...
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Accidental Profanity
I swear like a trooper when in the pub. I like the emphasis and staccato a well placed f-word adds to a sentence, but my brain filters these words out when I am with my kids, my parents or just not in...
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S**t at Housework
I am terrible at housework. I am part slattern, part sloth – I am a Slothern, given to sitting with my nose in a book in an untidy room, oblivious to my surroundings. I hate housework, and not only do...
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Christmas is annoying because…
…of, but not limited to, the following reasons… I hate wrapping. I bought some presents and some wrapping paper but I have no desire to combine the two in a way that is pleasing to the eye. Can I just...
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Simple Task + Help = Complex Task
A comparison of a simple task with and without the help of a 3 year old. Image courtesy of Peapod Labs on Flickr Washing Up Alone 1. Fill sink with hot soapy water 2. Wash up. 3. Dry up/leave for...
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